Say it ain't so

I can't
whisper the words
even to myself

Disbelief
gratefulness
utter
inner
profound
fill up the pit
bottomless
hopefulness
all at
o
n
c
e

Finally....
possibly?
Really?

Never
believed
it would happen
again
not again
but
m
a
y
b
e
truly
afraid to say
it ain't so
for the first time

That
LOVE?
L
O
V
E
could
come
here
now
true

What if?
...I'm dreaming
then as said
before
don't wake me
I want to stay
in this sleep
f
o
r
e
v
e
r
or die happy
at this very
moment

Message of Love - The Pretenders

Now the reason were here
As man and woman
Is to love each other
Take care of each other
When love walks in the room
Everybody stand up
Oh its good, good, good
Like brigitte bardot
Now look at the people
In the streets, in the bars
We are all of us in the gutter
But some of us are looking at the stars
Look round the room
Life is unkind
We fall but we keep gettin up
Over and over and over and over and over and over

Me and you, every night, every day
Well be together always this way
Your eyes are blue like the heavens above
Talk to me darlin with a message of love
Now the reason were here
Every man, every woman
Is to help each other
Stand by each other
When love walks in the roomEverybody stand up
Oh its good, good good
Say I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

The long glance backwards

I'm pretty sure no one looks at this blog anymore, but just in case.... I wanted to say that I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and gratitude in my heart. I was randomly clicking on some of my old posts and they were ripping my heart out. A few years ago I was in such a DARK place in my life. I know now that had it not been for this blog and the readers back then, that I would NOT have made it through many of those days. My first thought was to erase this blog and release it all to the universe. But, I'm not ready to lose this record of the road I traveled to become the person I am now and who knows, maybe I will start writing again...

I know so many of you stranger-friends won't see this post, but I guess I just wanted to say thank you anyways. I also wanted to say that my life is so full now. I feel strong, confident, and happy. I fill my days painting, hanging with my beautiful son and going to school - which I will be finishing in the coming Fall semester!!

The bigger picture is now so clearly visible. I'm glad there were people here that could see it when I wasn't able to. Peace.

I don't want to grow up

The older I get, the less things I know with certainty.

Tom says it best:

When I'm lyin in my bed at night
I dont wanna grow up
Nothin ever seems to turn out right
I dont wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
Thats always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I dont wanna grow up
I dont ever wanna be that way
I dont wanna grow up
Seems like folks turn into things
That theyd never want
The only thing to live for is today...
Im gonna put a hole in my tv set
I dont wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I dont wanna grow up
I dont wanna have to shout it out
I dont want my hair to fall out
I dont wanna be filled with doubt
I dont wanna be a good boy scout
I dont wanna have to learn to count
I dont wanna have the biggest amount
I dont wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I dont wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old tomb
On grand street
When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I dont wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I dont wanna grow up