Magic Soaking My Spine

The peace and stillness in my heart
felt so wonderful while it lasted.
Like water dripping off my
hair after just having been washed by
the golden hands of an imagined goddess.

My inner spaces seemed to have been
aired out and wrung dry. 
They were clean,
bright white and freshly scented,
 with fabulously,
sparkly, crisp edges.

I never thought the thoughts of this
possible possibility
to even be really
possible (ever at all).
The universe knew that I knew.
It told me so when the mail arrived
the day before my decision was
even thought of.

When the words were spoken,
it sounded like she'd suddenly dislodged
piece of hard candy from HER throat.
I thought it must be have been
a hastily spoken alternative. 
A red-herring meant to uncover a
hidden head still
buried in the sand.
Instead, agreement, not argument
ensued.
 
With the next leap of faith,
I spoke honestly to love.
She told me to find another way.
I guess she meant it.
(For once, someone that
says what they mean
and means what they say.)

I told her that it wouldn't take HER
long to self-sabotage the
whole deal.
(Sooner than I thought, in fact.)
She said she hoped it
would end up to be true
and that she, herself, would get
the girl in the end.

Either way, it was
almost two whole days of bliss.
I know it will return again.

Progress from the inside out and the outside in.

Holding onto rocks

Last night I dreamt
that I was
a young Tuscan girl
with long,
midnight black,
flowing hair.

I was wearing
a black gauze dress
with no stockings
or shoes on.

I was sitting
on top of a large hill
carpeted with lush
green grass.

My voice
was stuck inside
medium sized
gray rocks
and I was
breaking
them open
because
I had something
to say.

Things I know for sure...

Good Aim

"But, it doesn't HAVE to be this way."
I heard her say
I smile
a halfhearted smile
knowing
that she doesn't understand
what it's taken ME
so long to figure out.

It's never been
a choice
or my choice
or HER choice.
Some where
some how
and for some reason
(understood by someone - hopefully)
a big, red circle was drawn
around the spot
that I now stand in.

Caught between
this speeding silver bullet
and the target on my head.