Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Waterlogged
For a while, my day to day life was feeling like I was drowning in a bathtub and someone was holding me under. Like no matter how hard I struggled to get above the water, I just couldn’t. I felt consumed and exhausted. Thankfully those feelings have passed….
Vivid enough that I could feel the rocks in my hands...
Last night I dreamt that I was a young Tuscan girl with long, midnight black, flowing hair. I was wearing a black gauze dress with no stockings or shoes on. I was sitting on top of a large hill carpeted with lush green grass. My voice was stuck inside medium sized gray rocks and I was breaking them open because I had something to say.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
The 100 Most Annoying Things of 2004
The 100 Most Annoying Things of 2004 list put out by retroCrush is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Actual tears were running down my face from laughing so hard as I neared the #1 spot. Click here to read it.
A few of my favorites:
#100 - CELINE DION and ANNE GEDDES COLLABORATE ON A CD the world can enjoy the wonderful mix of shitty music and creepy dead baby pictures at last, let's just hope this doesn't give Yanni and Thomas Kincade any ideas.
#75 - IRAQI INSURGENTS Why won't these guys just relax and let America finish blasting freedom into their country?
#53 - PILL COMMERCIALS We won't tell you what it does, but ask your doctor if it's right for you (May have harmful side effects including schizophrenia, hypothermia, gingivitis, premature ejaculation, dry heaves, and scientology).
#47 - DICK CHENEY'S LESBIAN DAUGHTER it's sad that folks name-dropped her during the Election for political gain, while his transsexual bondage loving bestiality addicted son got almost no press at all.
#28 - MICHAEL MOORE I loved Fahrenheit 9/11, but you'd think with all that cash, he'd be able to afford a razor. He's beginning to resemble Mama Fratelli from "The Goonies."
#13 - WHORE CULTURE Why is it kids have to look like Jodie Foster's preteen hooker character in Taxi Driver instead of like kids anymore?
#9 - WILLIAM HUNG Since when did making fun of retarded people become cool? At least we know if he ever becomes a serial killer with a biting fetish, he'll be easy to track down because that mouth full of crooked Yahtzee dice teeth would leave an unmistakable mark (thoughts like this are why I have trouble sleeping at night, and maintaining a stable relationship).
#8 - ANNA NICOLE SMITH Sure she looks great, but that Trim Spa diet apparently can't tell the difference between fat and brain tissue.
#3 - TSUNAMIS I don't know how to justify the level of "annoying" for what may be the worst disaster the world has ever seen, but it seems wrong to leave them off the list. At least I'm thankful I'm not seeing magnetic tidal waves stuck on cars with "Never Forget" tags on them....yet.
#1 - THE ATKINS DIET you can't even eat an apple anymore without some bacon chugging ketosis-zombie telling you about the insane amount of carbs inside. It's bad enough that they're selling low-carb toilet paper in the grocery stores to appeal to these idiots, but they're putting such a drain on the beef supply that I can't buy a good steak without taking out a second mortgage on my house. I just keep thinking about the line Daniel Stern's character said in "City Slickers" after Curly died, "The man ate bacon at every meal...you just can't do that!" Here's a tip, when the guy who founded your diet died of a heart attack, it's time to rethink your plan.
A few of my favorites:
#100 - CELINE DION and ANNE GEDDES COLLABORATE ON A CD the world can enjoy the wonderful mix of shitty music and creepy dead baby pictures at last, let's just hope this doesn't give Yanni and Thomas Kincade any ideas.
#75 - IRAQI INSURGENTS Why won't these guys just relax and let America finish blasting freedom into their country?
#53 - PILL COMMERCIALS We won't tell you what it does, but ask your doctor if it's right for you (May have harmful side effects including schizophrenia, hypothermia, gingivitis, premature ejaculation, dry heaves, and scientology).
#47 - DICK CHENEY'S LESBIAN DAUGHTER it's sad that folks name-dropped her during the Election for political gain, while his transsexual bondage loving bestiality addicted son got almost no press at all.
#28 - MICHAEL MOORE I loved Fahrenheit 9/11, but you'd think with all that cash, he'd be able to afford a razor. He's beginning to resemble Mama Fratelli from "The Goonies."
#13 - WHORE CULTURE Why is it kids have to look like Jodie Foster's preteen hooker character in Taxi Driver instead of like kids anymore?
#9 - WILLIAM HUNG Since when did making fun of retarded people become cool? At least we know if he ever becomes a serial killer with a biting fetish, he'll be easy to track down because that mouth full of crooked Yahtzee dice teeth would leave an unmistakable mark (thoughts like this are why I have trouble sleeping at night, and maintaining a stable relationship).
#8 - ANNA NICOLE SMITH Sure she looks great, but that Trim Spa diet apparently can't tell the difference between fat and brain tissue.
#3 - TSUNAMIS I don't know how to justify the level of "annoying" for what may be the worst disaster the world has ever seen, but it seems wrong to leave them off the list. At least I'm thankful I'm not seeing magnetic tidal waves stuck on cars with "Never Forget" tags on them....yet.
#1 - THE ATKINS DIET you can't even eat an apple anymore without some bacon chugging ketosis-zombie telling you about the insane amount of carbs inside. It's bad enough that they're selling low-carb toilet paper in the grocery stores to appeal to these idiots, but they're putting such a drain on the beef supply that I can't buy a good steak without taking out a second mortgage on my house. I just keep thinking about the line Daniel Stern's character said in "City Slickers" after Curly died, "The man ate bacon at every meal...you just can't do that!" Here's a tip, when the guy who founded your diet died of a heart attack, it's time to rethink your plan.
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