Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Way We Were......

I couldn't let the year end without at least a post to say Happy New Year everyone.

So many things have been happening lately that I don't think I could keep up blogging them if I tried. Know that I am doing much, much better and feel that I'll be starting 2006 with a clean slate.

Tonight I will be surrounded by friends, some new, some old, but all wonderful. I wish everyone a safe and happy New Year's Eve!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas to you...

Just a quick note to say Happy Holidays to all my dear blogger friends. May you all drink lots of egg nog, gracefully survive any family gatherings and be blessed with knowing you are loved.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Friday, December 16, 2005

One down and one to go...

It's only quarter after 3:00 in the afternoon and I've already had 2 bloody mary's. But, at least I survived the office holiday party. The cold/flu I've been suffering all week seems to have subsided or is possibly just experiencing a vodka induced lull.

My son is gone to his Dad's house for the weekend and I'm off work the rest of the day. In a few hours I'll be on to another more festive and fun party this evening. I fit into a pair of pants yesterday that I haven't been able to wear in 6 years, so to celebrate I'm leaving to go find/buy a sassy little(r) outfit for the party. I'll try to Flickr a few photos of me and the boys tonight (if I remember).

Christmas presents for my liver might be in order this year (it's had a rough couple of months).

Official tally sheet:
4 1/2 months apart
10 sessions with my therapist
30 lbs. lost
5 new friends made
all blessings counted


Monday, December 05, 2005

James Blunt

He has a simply amazing voice and deep, rich lyrics. He performed on SNL this last Saturday and sang this song. I was in instantly in tears, my exact feelings in song version. I bought his CD, "Back To Bedlam" on Sunday. The whole thing is wonderful. If you haven't heard him yet, hopefully you soon will.

Goodbye My Lover (Lyrics)

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Everything Was About To Change

This photo was taken of me (c. 1996) on an unseasonably warm spring day. I was out walking in a huge park we have here in Oblivion, it's a day I vividly remember.

I was freshly out of a 2 year relationship with a high school sweetheart. That year, I was enjoying having turned 21 years old and reaching legal drinking age. Me and some friends would go out to the bars almost nightly and knew the drink specials of every place in town. I was renting a large, old house in our local historical district and working in a photo lab. I was just beginning to be honest with myself about my sexuality. I felt free and carefree... Little did i know, everything was about to change. This was about a month before I found out I was pregnant.

I never believed that I wanted to have any children. I use to say that if I ever got pregnant, I would have an abortion. I believed there were already enough children in the world that needed people to love them. I'd never been around too many kids and didn't even particularly care for them. My son came as a surprise. But, oddly, when the 3 home pregnancy tests confirmed that he was on the way, I never once questioned that I would keep the baby. It truly was the day that changed my life forever.

Looking back at this photo now knowing where my life was headed, makes me want to reach out to the girl in the photo and tell her that her world is about to be shaken. I also want to tell her that it's going to be alright.