Friday, September 29, 2006

Out of Hiding

Hi all.... if there's anyone left who visits my deserted and much neglected blog.

Just a note to say that I really haven't become a secret agent in hiding, I've just been livin' and lovin' life! But, unfortunately, all that livin' & lovin' hasn't left me much time to blog, save posting The Big Question each day.

My summer seemed to pass in a flash. Filled up with sunshine, a few too many margaritas at times, exercise, weight loss and quite a bit of everything else under the sun. I have truly been enjoying the routine and normality of day-to-day life. It's soooo nice not to be living every day in crisis anymore. I know a while back I would talk about "coming out on the other side" of things, but now I can say I REALLY have. My depression seems to be almost non-existent for the first time in 10 years (The shrink says it's partly due to the exercising), and I'm feeling good about myself in general.

One stunning revelation might be that me and HER have reconnected, rediscovered each other and are currently in the midst of remembering what kept us together for 9 years in the first place. What happened you might ask? Wasn't I miserable for months over HER when she broke up with me last year? Didn't I finally pick myself up off the floor and move on with my life? Yes, to all of those things....

Am I crazy for getting involved with HER again? Maybe, but I think not. We had both gotten to the point where we were each ok and doing fine with out each other. What changed? The answer is simple - she got her act together in a big way and so did I. I feel that if two people can go through all the crap that we endured (literally taken to the brink as you may recall) and end up wanting to start all over again, then either we were meant to be together, or no one else but each other should have to ever put up with us!

I think we both realized that the lessons we each individually learned from our break-up experience were priceless. Afterall, what would it all have been worth if we couldn't then apply those lessons to trying again? I feel we are closer than ever before. I feel loved and appreciated and hopefully I am giving that in return. I know things will never be perfect and disagreements are bound to happen, but it's not the end of the world and doesn't have to be the end of our relationship when it happens. Healing is a process and we each are still gripped by anger and hurt over past events periodically. But, those times are getting further and further apart and new, good memories are replacing them.

So what's the plan now??? Well, we've made the huge decision and commitment to moving out of our state to our very favorite city of CHICAGO!!!! We are both so very excited. This isn't going to happen overnight, but the finishing up of small remodeling jobs on the house has begun in preparation of putting it on the market in the spring. There's nothing we don't love about Chicago, so why not live in the place that you get the most enjoyment from? Everything from the job market, to the diversity, to the endless array of cultural activities is BETTER there.

My goal is to actually be able to open my own pride shop (or share space with an existing store) in Boystown. Gulp! Just typing that out gives me shivers. It is such a dream for me and that it really seems attainable is so thrilling. I feel like my online business has grown so well that it could support a brink and mortar store. I guess time will tell...

Anyway, enough rambling! Hopefully it won't be so long between posts anymore.... I hope everyone is doing well also.