Sunday comes late...

This is a picture of me (c.1997) taken in Key West, FL. while on vacation with my mother. We had a wonderful time sipping drinks (morning, noon and night!) shopping, and just hanging together. My son was only a few months old at the time and this was the first time I had been away from him. I remember wondering if I was a bad mother because I wanted to go on vacation. Seems so silly now...lol.

I was young, thin, had BIG hair and felt like a new chapter in my life was about to be written. Not long after returning from vacation, I came out of the closet to my family. In a sense, it really was a new beginning for me...

Thankful

I am thankful every day for my son, my family and friends (including blogger friends) that have helped me through these difficult months. In the last year, I have come to realize how blessed I truly am. Sometimes the result of seemingly extraordinarily hard circumstances can be gratefulness. This lesson I've learned is one that I hope to never forget.

Last year around Thanksgiving I was severely depressed. On Thanksgiving day, Me and my partner got into some stupid argument (over something I can't recall) and I remember sitting in my basement, on a chair crying. I said, "Today's Thanksgiving and I have nothing to be thankful for.” Basically, I was having a big pity party for myself.

It had snowed a lot that day and in the afternoon I went out to warm up and clean off my car, because I had to go pick up my Grandma for dinner. I briefly came back in the house and five minutes later my son comes running into the kitchen asking if I already left. I said, "No, I'm right here, silly." Then he said, "Oh, I thought you left, because your car is gone." I looked out the window and he was right....my car WAS GONE! Someone must have seen me start it up and go back in the house, then decided to take off in it. I was in shock...getting your car stolen on Thanksgiving is not pleasant. It was the worst Thanksgiving ever. I ended up getting the car back, practically unharmed, a few days later. The moral of the story? Life took swift action in reminding me exactly how much I did have to be thankful for, and that things can get much worse.

I have never felt like a strong person until now. That day was the beginning of a year filled with many tests of my true strength. One of my toughest challenges has been realizing that I took my partner (and a few other people) mostly for granted. In the case of HER, I have paid the ultimate price. For the others, I will try to reach out and re-establish our bonds.

As I look back over this time, I've come to realize that not only am I strong, but I am also brave, deserving of the love others have for me and very, very thankful for all the things and people that I have in my life.

Hugs and kisses to everyone that reads this blog. You have all become like distant, extended family of sorts. Your own writings have inspired me, at times brought me to tears, and often made me laugh out loud.

I hope I can look back next year and find that I've had days filled more with love and laughter, than heartache. I wish each and every one of us a very happy Thanksgiving tomorrow.

PS - For all my GLBT friends, do you like the gay pride turkey I designed? Feel free to post him on your blog if you want! :)

Sunday comes early...

I will probably not be around to post for Photo Sunday this week, so I thought I'd put up my picture early. This was taken of me (c. 1997) at a bar called "The Groovy Mule" near Dallas, TX. A good friend of mine (who I was in town visiting) worked as a bartender at this bar. The only thing I really remember from that night is that I was drinking the house specialty called "Mule Fuel" and woke up the next morning with 10 of their commemorative cups (all of which I'm pretty sure I drank myself...lol). That's a good drunk smile if ever there was one!

Notice how the choker necklace nicely accents the scar on my neck from where I had part of my thyroid removed earlier that year. (Click on the pictre to enlarge)

I Hated High School

Here's me the summer before my senior year of high school (c. 1991-92) at my best friend's house. She lived with her Grandparents and actually had a sliding door in her room that led to the backyard. Not sure which genius thought it was a good idea to give a 17 year old girl a bedroom with her own private entrance, but it was WONDERFUL for us! We would sneak out and go drinking, then creep back in at ungodly hours of the night.

My hair was the longest it's ever been in my life. I had two new hair wraps in from the latest Dead show I'd just been to in Chicago. I so needed someone to tell me I should be plucking my eyebrows and I'm not sure how I ever thought it was stylish to wear black nylons and shorts?? But, it was all the rage with me and my friends at the time...lol.

Little Sublime

I came across this Kindergarten picture (c. 1979) and thought I'd share. Check out the Holly Hobby dress and home haircut!

The PC Club

I heart postcards.

I love to send and receive postcards. I've always collected interesting postcards, on and on. So, this idea has been stewing in my head for awhile (frankly, ever since I came across the Post Secret blog) and now feels like the time to act upon it.

I'm starting a Postcard Club ("The PC Club" for lack of a better name). The premise is simple.... I will start a list of the names and addresses of people that want to send/receive postcards. Once a month I will send a postcard to you and you can send one back to me. That's it! Just a bit of something fun and interesting showing up in your mailbox on a random day.

If enough people sign up to participate, I'll think of someway to start a rotating Postcard pool where you can send a card to someone new each month. The trick with that is that some people may not want their info (name, address) shared with others. I have a PO Box, so that makes it easier...

If anyone should feel moved to participate and throw their hat into the ring, send me an email with your name (real and/or blogger) and address. Also, be sure to include a note stating if you want your info kept private or if you don't mind sharing with other Postcard Club members down the road.

This could be be alot of fun.... Email me at
sublimedesign[at]sbcglobal.net to join the list. Please do not post your info in the comments section!!

Grateful

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I made it through the day. Thank you for the supportive words and thoughts.

The day was very stressful and I'm exhausted. Everything was not quite laid to rest as expected. I will have to endure one more day of this in just over a month from now. However, the worst of it is over and many of my fears have passed.

I have found sources of strength inside me that I never knew I possessed. Most of all, I thank the greater good.

"My brother, peace and joy I offer you,
That I may have God's peace and joy as mine."
-ACIM, Lesson #105

"I will be still and listen to the truth."
-ACIM, Lesson #106

Day Two

I awoke this morning to remember that tomorrow is Day Two.

"My panic level is already going through the roof." I said, while popping my first Xanex of the day.

Think of the worst day of your life, multiply it by two and then you can imagine what my fear of tomorrow is like. Until now, I've basically been counting down the days and just trying not to think about it. I should have written up this post yesterday, because right now I am so consumed with anxiety that isn't allowing me to think very clearly.

It is a necessary day that will allow me to move on to a new chapter in my life, for that I am grateful. But, it's the unknown, the stress and the chance of a negative outcome that's grabbing me by the neck.

I need arms around my shoulders, positive words whispered in my direction, and all the prayers anyone can offer for me for a good outcome tomorrow. Light a candle for me today, will ya?

If things go ok, I'll try to post tomorrow night.