I wish you were all here right now to talk to me. I feel better during the day, but the nights are tough when I'm tired after a whole day of stressing and over thinking my life. I get to the point where my skin starts to crawl from anxiety. I need "out of my head".... I fixate on minute things and blow them out of proportion because of the underlying issues going on in my life.
I feel so needy right now and I hate it. That's not the person I usually am, or at least that I don't want to be. All of my neurosis and insecurities are magnified by ten times right now. It's causing me to ruin the only things that I truly want. I can barely stand to be around myself and I really can't blame anyone else for not wanting to be around me as well. Yet, that is the very thing that I need to get through this time.
Self-sabotage I suppose... I'm rambling and need to sleep. Goodnight stranger friends.
About Me
- Sublime
- Oblivion, Midwest, United States
- At age 41, overcoming some of my biggest fears has granted me periods in my life of supreme respect for the grand plan of the universe. Unfortunately, I’ve learned I have the idiotic ability to forget some of the huge lessons. Luckily, my cosmic fortune cookie never seems to mind having to repeatedly tell me things until I get it! My favorite foods include Easy Cheese, shelled & salted peanuts, red-pepper hummus and pizza in any form. I’ve realized I never really quit smoking; I just stop for periods of time. I no longer cry over spilled milk. I recently figured out that I do so much better when I’m not going in ten directions at once. I’ve also been hit with the realization that I’m never, ever going to find happiness outside of myself – it has to come from within. The true meaning of this came to me during meditation, at which point, I literally gave MYSELF a hug. Finally, I know if tomorrow comes then more change is inevitable and embracing is easier than resisting it.
15 comments:
Oh Sublime, you hang in there. I wish I had words of wisdom...is your therapist helping at all? You have to cut out those negative thoughts. I know, easier said than done...
oh hon, I understand. it is that time when everyone else is doing other things that the need comes down on your head hard and echoing. if you want to, email me. its crismoon dot gmail dot com.
its ok to be needy, it happens to all of us. its one of thse very human things.
glad you reached out.
Sublime..don't hate me...but I'm just wondering if maybe you might want to think about adding in some physical exercise into your life. Just start walking, and yes I know it is cold...so perhaps there is a mall near you where you could be inside. Just walk. Walk until you can't walk anymore and walk with a smile on your face. Do this every day. When it gets to be Spring, walk outside....just walk...just let your body move!
STB
Sublime, would it help to read a good novel? Something to just get absorbed into and lose track of time? If it'd help, I have a TON of lesbian fiction I'll share with you.
Hang in there, Sublime. I hope tonight is a better night for you.
If there isn't anyone there for you to talk to have you thought about going into chat rooms or something. I'm sure there are alot of people feeling the same way you are and you could keep one another company. :)
i left this comment at your other post, but i'm saying it again:
"i, too, tried to comment here but couldn't...all i can say sublime is to keep on keepin on...one hour at a time...one day at a time...self care is key...take good care of you...and if you can't talk it out with someone then write it out..."
and the butler is write -- moving your body will work wonders...it sounds like you prolly have SAD, or seasonal affective disorder...i used to be affected by the long dark cold days of winter till i started moving...i walk on a treadmill at home or go to the gym...
we love you, woman...please take care of you...
peace...
we're with you, woman...
peace...
holy cow i wrote "write" instead of "right"...HA!
peace...
one more thing i just remembered...b complex -- if you don't already, start taking this vitamin...i know it sounds krazy and tom cruiseish but it works...it does...
peace, sublime...
There's not much I can add to all these other comments; all good and well reasoned thoughts.
There have been times I didn't like myself much, and things I like less about me than others. Those are what tomorrow is for; reminding myself that each day is a learning experience, and to be applied to the next lesson is what gets me through them.
Thinking of you!
alan
alan rocks =)
peace...
Sublime you have some genuinely great blog friends. I am moved by how they have reached out to you.
Take care of yourself Sublime, you are loveable.
{{{{{ Sublime}}}}}}}...I'm going through a funk myself and can relate in many ways what your going through. Sending you strength, energy and brightness to your life.. Gentle hugs~
I won't inundate you with a lot of platitudes, but I know exactly how you feel so I understand every single word.
{{{{{Sublime}}}}}
it's a terrible, terrible feeling isn't it Sublime?
it's like your mind focuses on something small. then after a while your imagination gets a hold of it and starts playing in your thoughts. next thing you know, you've been sitting there for an hour and you're exhusted by the emotions you're imagination's been working you up with.
you know it's bad. you know you should snap out of it and just DO something like go for a walk to make your mind shut up. but it's just too hard sometimes unless someone actually steps in.
i go through it sometimes. perhaps not as much these days, but i used to, a lot.
after reading this (i read this over and over) i just wish I could just give you a big hug, then take you on a long drive while eating ice-cream, singing to silly trashy pop music and talking about random stuff =)
hang in there Sublime =)
Gav
Sydney, Australia
I am not there today but I was maybe 2 days ago and I know I will be again. What I am saying is...I understand. What I mean is... you aren't alone.
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