Thursday, September 08, 2005

My Big Question

Here I stand at a crossroads

Feeling terrified
of making the wrong decision
My emotions still tumble and lurch
like rocks put in a dryer
Only not as rapidly now
seeming to merely prolong the pain
that manages to keep
creeping in sometime during
the night while I’m asleep

HER past words still
ring freshly in my ears
as if they’ve just been spoken
“Don’t settle for me”
“I believe there’s someone
else out there for you better
than me”
It sounds like an excuse
to NOT be “the one for me”
I’ve never felt
like I was settling
But maybe SHE is right
I do not know any more

Tomorrow is suppose to be
the day SHE possibly comes home
Holding my breath (but trying not to)
Looking at the sunshine
On the other side of the open door I have
yet to walk through
Knowing it could be
slammed at any moment

A friendly face turned to me
and asked, “Is it worth it?”
Impulsively a “yes” then only

It’s been almost 6 weeks
Since SHE walked out
I was left, “served divorce papers”
and cut off emotionally and
completely in one moment
At least a “divorce” between those
able to be legally married
is gradual
for US there isn’t that luxury

At times it has gotten easier
I can go more than a day
without calling HER
I can go an hour without
thinking about HER
I can go a moment without
remembering I’m sad

Maybe it’s better to forget
Trudge on through the pain
I don’t want to go backwards
There’s no saving
the old relationship
Not enough
“I’m sorry’s” to go around
It would have to be
a whole new relationship
with commitment
to building it from both sides

“Is it possible?”
I wonder aloud
before starting to cry
again -

I hear the White Stripes sing,
“Is this really love?”


pack of 2 said...


Only you can decide if this is a risk worth taking again.

I hope you find peace with your decision.


Lea said...

A long path to walk,
a road to cross.
Which direction is the right way?

...the way that is the most comfortable to you.

Lili said...

It's so difficult being on the outside of a situation you can try to relate to in personal experience, yet also knowing the inner turmoil as well from reading the blog.
I always thought that relationships really shouldn't be such hard work. They should be easy, comforting, fit like a favorite old t-shirt, and have that passion, or spark to keep it going. I know now that they are work, not always difficult, but they require work on both parts to keep everything moving.
Only you can decide if it is worth the effort and the risk...
Good luck with your decision!

AKH said...

Your in my thoughts Sublime and I know you will make the right decision.