the big talk finally took place
yesterday
says I forced her to face the conversation
maybe I did for my own sanity
met in a restaurant
restrained voices
my tears were another story
"I can't do this alone [life]"
words that cut me in half
at one point it was definitely over
more talking and a few soul grabbing
desperate embraces
upon parting there seemed to be some
hope
later
her phone call
I'd forced myself to spend time
with some friends
but was headed home
I asked her to meet me there
"ok"
finally a night together
"no talking about it" I said to myself
savor this momentary truce
hold onto the feeling of her touch
and the smell of her skin
I once read a poem that said
“kisses aren't contracts”
these were the first words
through my head upon waking
but still hoping for a miracle
she was the first one up this morning
gathering more of her clothes
and things
"This time together was a good thing.
I'm still going to be here for you"
but really she'll be there, not here
for me it's usually all or nothing
now I feel forced in-between
I don't do good with the unknown
choices and outcomes are
usually weighed far ahead of decisions
now feeling stuck in the void
"time apart" has now become indefinite
and my heart is officially broken
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7 comments:
{{{{{Sublime}}}}}
Hang in there. I know this is very, very difficult. I am sorry you are feeling this pain. Just get through each day & little by little & you will start to feel like you again.
We are thinking about you and are here if you need something.
I know it is hard.
Hugs to you,
Shelly
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
-Washington Irving
It still hurts though, a lot.
It's just beyond shitty that you are having to go through this.
I'm so, so sorry, Sublime. {{{{{ }}}}}. Scoobys mama wrote some wise words. Know that you are cared about very much by your blogging friends.
Oh, I've got such a lump in my throat and tears welling in my eyes.
I'm gonna get some pink flowers, put them in the middle of the table. That way every time I see them I'll be reminded to think about you and send good thoughts your way.
RQM
Scooby's Mama is sooo right!
I was told that my partner wanted a "break" to figure some things out. It left me confused, angry, sad, uncertain, all sorts of not so good stuff. It just seemed to be an excuse, a putting off of the inevitable and was for his benefit more than anyhing so he didn't look like the bad guy.
I've found that wanting a break is really code for "I'm going to drag this out, give you false hope, and break up with you anyway."
You know I'm only 10 1/2 hours away sublime. My offer still stands.
Love ya lots,
A.G.
Sublime...I am thinking of you and I'm thinking of the song Doris Day is most identified with: Que Sera Sera. It really is a maligned song for a number of reasons...but I find it somehow moving when I think about it.
I'm thinking about you, as are many others (thanks to your generosity in sharing yourself with us) and we are all sending positive feelings your way.
STB
Oh, sweetie... I'm so sorry. How painful.
Sending you a strong shoulder, and a big hug. It won't always feel like this.
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