Friday, July 15, 2005

Reduced

The task - simple. Given an envelope by my boss to drop off at another office for him. Fine - I was going to the post office anyway and the office is nearby. No big deal. I arrive at the building and walk in. No one at the front desk, ring the bell. *ding* She appears - secretary I presume. Walks into the lobby from a nearby open door. She is about my height (which isn't very tall), probably in her late 30's, maybe early 40's. Very nicely dressed, hair and makeup perfect. Glasses, from which she peers at me over the top of. A look of "What do you want?" on her face.

I said, pleasantly, "Hi! I'm here to drop this off for XXX."
Her - "Did you need to see XXX or just drop it off?"
Me - "Just drop it off."
Her - "I'll put it in their mailbox."

And as I stepped toward her to hand her the envelope, it happened. A total, quick, not so nice, ONCE OVER. I caught her eye as it came back up to my face. I smiled, still trying to be nice in the face of unpleasantness. I handed her the envelope and she turned to walk away.

I said, "You might want to actually give it to XXX instead of just putting it in the mailbox. After all, they might need it right away since I was sent over to drop it off."

She kinda shrugged and I see her stuff it into the mail slot. I leave. Infuriated with her attitude and the way she looked at me like I was shit on her shoe. Let's keep in mind, this is no high powered business office, no big shot high-rise office building, nothing like that. This is an "incubator" (for those of you that don't know what an incubator is, it's a building where the rent is usually subsidized and small business start-ups move in to try and grow their companies.) This particular incubator is in an old, broke down warehouse. Miss Priss is most likely paid by the State Small Business Association (funded in part by money from tax payers - like me for instance).

I get back to my car thinking about what a bitch she was, and how dare she, etc. Then I turn on myself - defensive. It's casual Friday, that's why I'm dressed this way, *insert other self-loathing comments here*, etc.

Then it occurred to me. I just let my peace of mind and my self-worth get reduced to a grain of salt by a simple look from an unhappy person. I have no one to be mad at but myself. I been working with ACIM lately as I've mentioned in other posts, and have started feeling a lot stronger emotionally, confident, and so on. This woman was just another lesson, pure and simple. A perfect illustration of how easily my resolve can be shaken. Not to say I'll never let it happen again, but maybe I will catch myself in the midst of it next time and send her a silent blessing instead of attack thoughts.

Every person you meet is there for a reason.

8 comments:

LeaLea said...

Sooo true..and some people have miserable looks just because they're downright miserable..and want to make someone else feel miserable too. So don't let it get you down..she probably is lacking something somewhere anyway, and was taking it out on an innocent bystander! (You!)

Anonymous said...

What someone else thinks of me is none of my spiritual business.

Jersey Boy. said...

You should read "The Four Agreements". It is sort of middle eastern philosphy, but the main agreement is to never take things personally. The idea is that the way she looked at you was her problem not yours. Anyway, faith is a great thing when you find it within yourself. Enjoy your resolve. And thanks for your help with the job search

Kat said...

Thank you for bringing me back to a bit of my center, I needed it today.
Kathy

Kat said...

I am not sure what ACIM is, will check afterwards (I am a bit impulsive, so I will write before I know what I am talking about LOL)

But it seems the annoying and rude lady had as much instruction as the really cool old lady. Seems to be where you are going and wow you recognized it. Hooray for me I saw it from a mile away when it happened to you and you pointed it out, now if only I had someone as smart as me to figure my own crap out 8-)

I really do believe that often the crappiest people have the most blessings and lessons to bestow. I really believe it, but in practice I am often found mumbling curses as I walk away from them, and avoiding ever thinking about the experience again....someday I will grow up.

Crystal said...

Your last sentence is so true! Every person you have come in contact with in your daily life is there for a reason. Even the passing glance or bumping into them in the elevator. All potentially profound moments if allowed to be.
I will never forget the homeless man when I was 18. I was a grumpy customer standing in an overcrowded line thinking nothing but nasty thoughts about my day. He walked up to me and handed me a guardian angel pin and said "You look like you need this more than I do" and walked away.

He could not "hear" my thoughts, he could only "feel" my negativity and the energy that it created. I walked out with a smile.

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